he's gotta have it
well so much for sleeping in. couldn't do it. got on friendster and fucked around a while. smoked two cigarettes. everybody's gonna be gone on my birthday jam. so sending invites and trying to get people together has been an all out failure. they shouldn't call them birthdays they should call them: see nobody likes you day.
without hearing from gc all week I've been all kinds of nervous that I was imagining everything. of course brother josh, wrote to tell me some company wants to put my shirts on hot topic and in spencers. he also said a lot of gay dudes would really be into my music and I don't know how to take that. I just said that one of the funniest fanmails I ever got was from a detention center for gay juvenile delinquents. they said my music was the only thing that made them happy. I'll take it. and after listening to junior senior non stop maybe gay music is the new thing. too bad I dig chicks. maybe I should rethink that. can you rethink hormones?
been talking (two messages to be exact) to this girl amy on friendster. I'd seen her at mjq looking good while she danced about with shirley temple curls. I wrote her and she wrote back and we were talking history, mainly the revolutionary war, benjamin franklin, taxation of the colonies. she wrote back this long smart email and I fell deep. history discussions are a big turn on I've discovered. I feel slimey hitting on girls on the internet but after the last mjq debacle with the hags. I'm think dating people in person should be put off as long as possible. get to know eachother first via clever well thought out advances. I deleted all my jeanie emails. took me three months but I did it. why do we hold on to break up letters for so long? sick ritual. I feel ten pounds lighter.
so now I'm in nyc. I hear a high powered hose outside. john's room is dark. I'm bored. wishing amy or benji would write, send limo's to fetch me. adam and I will go out and get drunk tonight. I have no cash, so it will be awkward because when we lived together I was laways borrowing or skimping or something. I wanna see the VMA's in case something awesome like benji wearing my shirt happens. but hanging out with adam is where I need to be. I'll get all caught up in these shallow things and forget who my real friends are. I shoulda had the party tonight. that woulda made sense.
well, I'm gonna go play john's roommate's cube a little and then maybe get some grub or steal some from the fridge. The boss took to me to one of those brazilian meat restaurants for lunch, a big expensive send off, thinking I'd come home with two weeks notice tattooed on my forehead. it's cool that I have job security, but I guess I really am done with the atl. but maybe I'd be just as lonely in nyc. I iwsh I just knew what was going to happen over the next few months. I notice that I'm always really depressed the day before pay day. money makes the man. or at least this man.
xomc
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